Yet with these April sunsets, that somehow recall my buried life

Buon giornio Phillipa,

Adesso sono bene, ma l'ultima settimana era difficile. Remember how we used to speak Italian to each other for fun? Now my Italian skills are only put into practice at restaurants and while watching the scenes set in Sicily in The Godfather. I still like to bring it out and dust it off occasionally, perché è divertimento, no?

Today I am okay. Last week it was a different story. On Thursday and Friday afternoons I just felt like I was going to break. Like I was fragile. Fragile is not normally a word I use to describe myself, but I just kept imagining my body as an old vase- one that is standing up straight on the mantel, but up close you can see hundreds of small cracks and are afraid to touch it because it might fall apart in your hands. I was afraid to interact with other people because I didn’t want to crumble into a pile of tears and anger on the floor. For all of my distancing, standing-up-straight efforts, Monday night I did crumble into a pile of tears and anger on the couch. There wasn’t much I could do about it so I just let it happen.

I made an effort to get out of the house over the weekend, and enjoyed the sunshine and started a new project which helped me to stay more solid and even, at least for a day. I decided to garden! I sat at Borders on Friday night and read most of You Grow Girl after discovering yougrowgirl.com. Remember the seeds I planted on our patio when I got back from Canada and Butchart Gardens? Remember how they lived for a while and then died right before I moved to Santa Fe? I emptied the pots and brought a few with me in the back of my car. I turns out that one of the pots had bulbs still in it from a few years ago, and the cold winter here helped it sprout a few weeks ago. This inspired me to get more plants, so on Saturday I headed to the nursery and picked up some herbs, a Roma tomato plant, a small cactus (I’m in New Mexico, it is required to have a cactus!) and some California poppies. The poppies were $1.95 and begging to go home with someone who would appreciate them, so of course I had to get them.

On Saturday I drilled holes in the bottom of a few coffee cans and dog food tins, and painted them blue and green and purple. On Sunday I filled them with potting soil and moved most of the plants to their new homes, and then let them sit against the wall in the backyard to soak up the sun.





I also used some of the coke bottles we get from the store down the street as vases for Gerber daisies. It was Easter and I was in Albertsons and had to have a small bouquet, since I couldn’t go to the Farmer’s Market on Ocean and Main for flowers like we used to do. (I know, I know, we used to get pancakes there and it was our neighbor who bought flowers, but we enjoyed looking at them so it felt like we did it. When you only have $3 pancakes seem like the better investment.)



It has been exactly a year since I started to (try to) entertain you with my writing and wit on this blog. Many things have changed but you still make me laugh, and I'll try to return the favor.